Letting Go of the Leash

Freedom from the Leash

Letting go of the leash we grip onto leads to spiritual, mental, and emotional health. It frees us and those we love to let go and not hold too tightly. Lyrics to so many songs come to mind as I write this. It may be my most cliche yoga blog yet.

Letting go of the leash applies to our relationships with animals, people, houses, jobs, identities, expectations and sticky attachments of any kind. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that attachment is unhealthy. But I have caused myself much emotional/mental pain and drama in the past, when I clinged too tightly, and have watched my friends suffer immensely.

After almost 3 weeks containing (as per the veterinarian’s suggestion) my recently immigrated kitty Franki from Mexico in our new Lambertville apartment, and walking him on a harness and leash in the yard, I let him go free. In Mexico, he is free to come in and out as he pleases, but he grew up there and knows the turf. He speaks Spanish. Many people told me to keep in inside. “Don’t risk it,” they warned.

For those of you who love animals, you know how tricky this can be, and know the fear of losing your beloved animal forever to unknown dreadful elements in your neighborhood.

I let him out anyway. I wanted us both to be healthy and free.

The first time I let him out he ran up the tree outside the kitchen window, as if to quickly conquer the looming Maple he had been drooling over for three weeks. Then he ran back in. I was delighted. I gave him a treat.

The second time he munched some grass, sniffed a little, and then ran back in. I was delighted. I gave him a treat.

But last night was different. We were both outside in the cool misty rain, and I turned my back for a second – he was gone.

Funny how small things like this can bring back memories of losing other things and people. I lay in bed and noticed the thoughts and little worries, but didn’t buy into them. However, I admit that I got up every half hour to see if he was around, but he wasn’t.

I finally surrendered to sleep with a sense of trust and confidence as I remembered that old, over-used expression, “If you love something let it go, if it comes back, it was meant to be, if not, it wasn’t meant to be with you.” Or something like that.

I suppose in yogic terms I would interpret it more like, “Hey, we are all living out our own karma, our own unique path and destiny. Don’t take it personally if I go.”

After two hours, I woke up and went out to call him again. It was still raining, dark, and cold. He was nowhere in sight. Then after a few minutes he playfully peeked his head over the edge of the second floor rooftop above me and meowed. Running down  two flights of steps and into the kitchen, he was back.

I was delighted. I gave him a treat.

Franki Goes to Lambertville

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Feline MIA’s

Yesterday I printed out pictures of 2 of my cats and posted them on my refrigerator. They are Missing In Action.

Sylvester, who never misses a meal, has been away for 3 days. Chilloncita, the “little cry baby,” has been gone for over a month. Once I thought Chilloncita was gone forever, but she made a surprise visit after being missing for about 6 weeks. She could quite possibly turn up at any time.

Sylvester never pulls that kind of stunt, and so I am a bit more concerned about him. At the same time, I want to imagine that he is just off in the jungle somewhere, having a long overdue adventure for himself. Maybe he found some great Christmas left overs.

We just never know when the last time is that we will see someone or something. It hits home when their form disappears suddenly. Maybe they are missing, or maybe they just died. It’s like the whole in a donut; the form goes a away and a temporary vacancy is created that is distinct – palpable. It’s almost impossible for the mind to grasp. When I think about it for more than a few minutes, I feel my myself slipping into an altered state of consciousness.

Once I heard an interview with one of the producers of the TV show Seinfeld. He talked about the phenomenon of the “alleyway of power,” or something like that, referring to the doorway in Jerry’s apartment where Kramer, Elaine, and George made their classic entrances and exits that defined there characters. There is a corner of my property at the back right where two walls meet. I think of this corner as the “alleyway of power” for my feline friends.

Bat kitty’s entrance is boisterous and she cries out, “here I am!” At the other end of the entrance spectrum is Pijamas, who tip toes in, careful not to disturb anyone. Sylvester related to the alleyway like a guard at a border crossing. He was in charge of who came in and when. For a while, he was the alpha male around here. That changed recently when velvet black Junio came onto the scene. Over the last few months I noticed Sylvester slithering in silently from the property in the front, not the back, and he did this ever so cautiously and delicately. It was as if he didn’t want to attract attention to himself.

Three days now and no entrances or exits from Sylvester. A bit like a cat myself, I notice and miss his pattern.

After all, it has been 4 years. I hope he comes back, but I am not that confident.

I guess I was secretly hoping that if I posted their photos on the refrigerator, they would sense that and come home.

There were a few times in the past when I thought about Chilloncita, and in the next day or so she would come calling; like when you think about a friend and your cell phone immediately rings and it’s them on the line.

I look longingly at that back right corner.

UPDATE: JANUARY 8, 2009   Sylvester returned! He quietly sat on the edge at the alleyway of power this morning and waited for me to notice him. Unfortunately, he was obviously sick and hadn’t eaten or had a drink for the whole 8 days. I rushed him over to the vet and they began IV and antibiotics. He was completely dehydrated but he still had a lot of life in his eyes, and I am hopeful he will get well. We still don’t know why he left or what caused him to stop eating. He didn’t have a fever, so the vets were puzzled. Thank you to his well wishers who read this blog. As for me, I am still getting over a fever myself.

Last Seen Chilloncita

MIA Sylvester

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Yoga at Your Wall

Okay, okay. I will start a blog even if I don’t think anyone will read it.
That comment oozes doubt and low self-worth – those lovely codependent mental tendencies!

The book is finished and will be in print by February 2009.

The web site is http://www.YogaAtYourWall.com

I look forward to sharing this book. I hit all my emotional, spiritual and physical walls while I wrote this book.

I keep hitting them. You are not alone. You will read more about the walls I encountered and encounter on this blog. How could I write otherwise?

Read my blog life lessons from my 9 cats:

Brave adventures from Bat Kitty
Retreating from society from Reina
Paying attention to everyone from Pijamas
Jumping through windows from Junio
Clever entrances and exits from Cow Face Kitty (a.k.a. Gomukha in Sanskrit)
Seven Wonders from Seven (a.k.a. SIETE en Spanish)
Frolic time from Franki
Stealth from Sylvester
Cry when you need to from Little Cry Baby (a.k.a. Chilloncita in Spanish)

Editors, please write me at stefanipappas@hotmail.com if you would like a review copy.

Find me at Stephanie Pappas on Facebook.

Franki Yogi

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