I feel like a tomato without its skin. It’s that sinking feeling in my stomach again. Did I just divulge too much about my recent tragedies, hardships, bad luck, or bad karma to a new friend? The doubt creeps in when I begin to hear her well-meaning advice coming toward me instead of the shared empathy I crave.
The extremes of codependency can appear in a single conversation! Amazing! One person is exposing themselves too much, or “spilling it all too quickly” as it is referred to in certain literature about codependency. And the other person is reacting out of their unconscious need to help, over care-take, or correct the situation. Instead of just listening or empathizing from their own shared experience, they quickly begin to give advice, admonitions, and astute observations as if they were somehow privy to insider information.
Both people in the conversation mean well, but the conversation begins to spiral downward.
I wanted to jump out of my body like it was a Halloween costume worn too long.
“You should pray more.” ” Hum…do you notice a pattern here?” she says to me with her index finger placed over her lip , and eyebrows furrowed a bit like my therapist.
I become queasy. How do I stop this runaway train now? Dizzy discomfort. Oh no! The conversation has turned to “fixing” me. Oh no!
My soul cries, “I don’t want to be fixed! I don’t need to be fixed!”
And simultaneously, another truth dawns on me: I recognize my own self in this situation. I am reminded of the times that I so wanted to help others, I couldn’t plain old listen.
For a moment, I am consoled by this realization, and that the fact that I can empathize even though I am uncomfortable.
I renew my efforts to catch myself in the quest to change anyone. I feel redeemed, and
then I jump back into my exposed pealed tomato body.
Find Your Body, Lose Your Mind 